To Answer the question...

Why don't you blog much anymore?

I guess there are a number of reasons....  The first is, I'm finally taking time for me.  I think I have gotten so caught up in the last 5-8yrs of medical overload that I have not really taken the time to truly take care of me.  I have always been in the mode of "just do" and haven't really taken time to feel,  I have gotten really really good at that.  But since I have started counseling, it's forced me to look at so many things but in a good way.  I really need to shed this "Superwoman" complex and just be Nicky a mom who is just so sad b/c of the cards I have been dealt.  I guess I have never really taken time to just be sad or grieve my boys.  While I love them to death and would do anything for them, it's still so hard to face that I will lose both of them to this horrible disease.  Just think about it, we were just like everyone else wanting to have a family and we have 3 kids but will eventually be left with ONE. So after really looking at my life and feeling, blogging is the last thing I have wanted to do.  I think also b/c I have just been so busy as usual with work, the kids, and life in general.  Also, no news is good news.....

As the new year has started, I have to say that unlike many others I was not looking forward to what 2012 would bring for our family.  Let's face it, our life is a ticking time bomb.  So I am always faced with the reality that my Avery may not be here to see 2013.  I don't know how you can even think to prepare for that.  So you can see why I don't look forward to the new yr.  But then again, I look at my little man and I am truly in awe of him.  He has overcome so so many obstacles in his life that most of us would not have survived.  This kid has more than 10 lives!!!! When I think of all that he has gone through even since the summer (major respiratory issues, fluid overload, third spacing into his lungs constantly, liver and gallbladder issues and RSV), Geez.  And that is just his last 6 months so you can imagine what he has gone through in the past 5 yrs.  But looking at him now.... it's as if nothing has happened at all.  He is so happy, cute as all hell and will soon be going to school three days a week.  I mean his worst issues right now are constipation.  Six months ago I would have been begging that to be his only issue.  I can say the same for my Zay Zay :) my unsung hero.  While he goes through absolute hell with his migraines, he has gotten so strong.  He is a true 9 yr old in so many ways and oh so handsome.  Of course I cannot forget my girl who is just a great kid.  We had such a nice trip together and it was great to hang out with her b/c it won't last as she hit her teen yrs.  So needless to say right now I feel so blessed.  My kiddos have taught me so much and are the reason why I am so strong.  Every morning that I am stuck in traffic, I play my music and a smile comes to my face thinking about little things that my kids do and that includes the big one (my husband).

So that is what I have been up to when I am not blogging.  Working on Me b/c it's so important.  If you don't hear from me don't get worried, just smile b/c it means things are going well.  On Sat. the whole family is going to Sesame Live thanks to our anonymous donor whoever you are.  I'm so so excited for the boys and to do finally do something as a WHOLE family.  This just means so much to us.  Can't wait to post some pictures.  I'm sure we will have plenty of stories with the pictures b/c there's always drama with the Nault's :)